How to Properly Communicate with Your Partner
A lot of conflicts stem from a lack of communication. For example - You refrain from speaking about how you actually feel because you think that your partner just won’t understand; Your partner may have misinterpreted your words and neither you nor your partner asks for clarification; You expect your partner to understand your ideas and approach situations to your liking without explicitly telling them how to.
There are many reasons why we let these situations happen - pride, not wanting to feel uncomfortable, not wanting to be vulnerable, etc. Communication takes practice. The first step is to acknowledge that you will most likely be doing things out of your comfort zone. This may sound scary and not appealing, but you must remind yourself that you are willing to put in the effort for your partner. The foundation of communication is love. You want things to work out with your partner because you love them, and in order for things to work out, we must learn how to communicate.
Write it Out/ Talk it Out
How can we expect our partner to understand how we feel if we don’t even know how we feel? The first step is to have a clear understanding of your feelings.
Jot down your thoughts or just start talking to yourself about how you feel at the present moment. It does not have to be complete sentences, or correct spelling and grammar. Just rant to yourself! This helps us when we feel overwhelmed with emotions.
A lot of times we feel stuck because we jump to conclusions and try to identify the solution right away. Writing or talking to yourself about how the situation makes you feel is a great way to take it step by step. First just focus on how the situation makes you feel in the present moment - there is no right or wrong in how you are “supposed to feel”!
Slow Down
Now that you have been able to release your emotions, focus on your breath. Controlling our body physically helps us to feel more in control mentally. Slowing down your breath and your heart rate will help you in slowing down your thoughts. Meditation is a great way to do this! Meditating takes practice, but don’t let that dishearten you from starting. Be proud of yourself for trying.
Identify Your Feelings
Now that you have a more clear headspace, try to understand how and why you feel the way you feel. Write down your realizations. This will help you feel confident when communicating your feelings.
Know What You Want
Now that you understand the situation more clearly, think about what you want from your partner moving forward. Make sure that you are utilizing this conflict as a learning experience, and not as a way to punish yourself or your partner. Conflicts help you to understand yourself and your partner more. With that being said, what do you think your partner can do for you based on what you learned from this experience to make your relationship grow and have a stronger foundation?
Proper communication leaves no room for doubt. It helps us to feel confident in how we feel, and it also helps us to feel confident in understanding how our partner feels. This enables us to make better choices for the good of our relationship.
